


A Holiday Special

by fancyasscheeseballs (girlattherockshow)



Series: An Unlikely Love: Rafael & Anna [13]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Christmas, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hanukkah, Holiday, I meant to make this short and now it's multiple chapters, Sorry Not Sorry, holiday fic, oops i did it again
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:28:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27571570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlattherockshow/pseuds/fancyasscheeseballs
Summary: O HAI THERE. Did ya miss me? I missed you!First off, thank you guys SO MUCH for still being around and interested to see where Anna and Rafael’s journey leads them. I have so many things planned for this story; it’s just been a struggle to get everything down on paper. I’m working on several stories at once, plus I moved, took the bar exam (again), and had surgery over the summer, so that took up a lot of energy. I promise I won’t go away for that long again. I feel like with COVID being what it is, we could all use an escape, and I hope that’s what I can provide y’all.This is the first chapter of a special holiday series I’ll be doing, and it’ll also include a LOT of Carisi, so if you’re into him, he’s gonna feature pretty strongly in a lot of this arc. This first chapter, though, has some angst and fluff in it; I wasn’t necessarily planning on the angst, but I think around the holidays, people can get a little overwhelmed with things and get snippy even when they don’t mean to. So I just went with it when it happened.Once again, thank you SO SO MUCH for your continued love, support, kindness, and interest. I love you guys and this fandom SO much.@madpanda75, @thatesqcrush, and @misssirenlove: As always, all my love and devotion to you three for being inspirations in so many ways, writing and otherwise. <3
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Original Character(s), Rafael Barba/Original Female Character(s)
Series: An Unlikely Love: Rafael & Anna [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1597711
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	1. Merry and Bright

**Author's Note:**

> O HAI THERE. Did ya miss me? I missed you! 
> 
> First off, thank you guys SO MUCH for still being around and interested to see where Anna and Rafael’s journey leads them. I have so many things planned for this story; it’s just been a struggle to get everything down on paper. I’m working on several stories at once, plus I moved, took the bar exam (again), and had surgery over the summer, so that took up a lot of energy. I promise I won’t go away for that long again. I feel like with COVID being what it is, we could all use an escape, and I hope that’s what I can provide y’all.
> 
> This is the first chapter of a special holiday series I’ll be doing, and it’ll also include a LOT of Carisi, so if you’re into him, he’s gonna feature pretty strongly in a lot of this arc. This first chapter, though, has some angst and fluff in it; I wasn’t necessarily planning on the angst, but I think around the holidays, people can get a little overwhelmed with things and get snippy even when they don’t mean to. So I just went with it when it happened.
> 
> Once again, thank you SO SO MUCH for your continued love, support, kindness, and interest. I love you guys and this fandom SO much.
> 
> @madpanda75, @thatesqcrush, and @misssirenlove: As always, all my love and devotion to you three for being inspirations in so many ways, writing and otherwise. <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: "Don't Save It All For Christmas Day" by Clay Aiken (although you can pick your poison on the singer).

“You’re really okay with this?” Anna asked as she and Rafael walked home from dinner on an unseasonably warm December evening.

“For the thirtieth time,” Rafael replied, “it’s completely fine. It’d be weird for Michelle to stay in a hotel instead of with us.”

“Okay, but only if you’re absolutely sure. It’s our first holidays as an engaged couple, and I don’t want to…I don’t know, mess it up.”

Rafael smiled. It was endearing, the way she was trying to consider his feelings about having her best friend visit for New Year’s, but she was overthinking it. Maybe it was that, in all their time together, they had never had so much as an overnight guest, much less a week-long visitor. But he genuinely liked Michelle from the time they met in Los Angeles and while planning the engagement party. And, as he had told Anna, he would feel weird about letting Michelle stay in a hotel unless she really wanted to.

“Sweetheart, I can’t think of a better way to celebrate our first New Year as an engaged couple than with people who are important to us.” He took her hand and kissed it. “Now, would you please stop worrying about that and start worrying about more important things?”

“Such as?”

“Such as what you want for Christmas,” he said. “I’m officially out of ideas.”

“I’m sorry. I wish I were as easy to shop for as you are.”

“Someday, you realize, I’m going to have more ties than I can possibly wear.”

She shrugged and squeezed his hand. “Yes, but then there are pocket squares and suspenders…and when all else fails, scotch.”

They walked along in comfortable silence for a bit, enjoying the scenery without the bite of winter air. The sun had set long ago, but the lamps that lined the pathway made the snow sparkle in the darkness. Despite the temporary respite from the chilly weather, Anna hoped the snow would stick and the temperature would drop for Christmas Eve. That was when they had decided to celebrate Christmas, since it was the final day of Hanukkah. Plus, Michelle was scheduled to fly in the day after Christmas, so that would give them a day to prepare for her arrival. And speaking of that, she realized, she had to talk to Rafael about plans for the following week.

“Hey, Raf,” she said, “do you plan to take any time off next week, or—”

“I wish I could, _mi amor,_ but I’m already going to be backed up on work from the holiday this coming week. Why do you ask?”

“Oh, I just want to know what I should be planning to do for her visit. Like, if you’re going to be with us, I’m not going to suggest going shopping or something.”

“What makes you think I wouldn’t want to do that?” he asked, poking her gently in the ribs. “Weren’t we just talking about my love of accessories?”

“Yes,” she said, poking him back, “but if you came with us, that’s just one less tie I’ll be able to buy you for a gift.”

It was getting late, so when they came out of the park, they opted for a cab the rest of the way home. “So what _were_ you thinking for plans, then?” he asked.

She took her gloves off and stuffed them into her coat pockets. “I don’t really know. I mean, she’s been here before, obviously. And she made me do touristy things last time, but that was to keep my mind off—well, you know.”

He tried not to let her see him wince. “Well, that was a long time ago, and it was summer, right?”

She nodded. “Yeah, it was May. But she left right before the trial, so…”

“So maybe this time, you can show her things that are only here during the winter. Maybe you can go ice skating. You know that’s something I’d never be caught dead doing.”

“It’s not like I’m any better! Ice skating isn’t exactly common in Los Angeles, you know.”

“I assure you, however bad you might be, you would look like an Olympic champion next to me. I’ve done it exactly once, and once is enough.”

“When was that?” she asked, intrigued.

He turned pink. “I lost a bet in college. There were tights involved.” She did her best to disguise a laugh as a cough, but even he had to chuckle at the memory. “So, yeah. If you ever wanted to go ice skating, you’re better off going with her. Maybe you can take Carisi along. That seems like the kind of thing he’d be into.”

She hesitated. “That’s…actually not a bad idea, come to think of it.”

His eyebrows shot up. “I wasn’t serious.”

“I am,” she replied. “Don’t you remember our engagement party?”

He snorted. “I wasn’t really paying attention to Carisi that night.”

“Well, I was, and I saw how he was when she and Kim were on the iPad,” she said. “And I swear, there was a thing there.”

“A thing?” he asked. “How do you know there was a thing?”

She grinned at him. “The same way I knew to come to your apartment and kiss you.”

“And that is?”

“Easy. I’m Jewish.” She said this as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, but he didn’t understand. Seeing the look on his face, she laughed. “There are stereotypes for a reason, Raf. We have a sixth sense for this kind of thing. Or at least, my mom and I do.”

“What does your mom have to do with this?”

This time, it was Anna who turned pink-cheeked. “Who do you think pointed out to me how I very obviously felt about you?”

This was the first he was hearing of this little nugget of information. “You’re serious?”

“I told you I talked about you to them all the time before we even started dating,” she replied as the cab pulled up to their building. “She knew it before I did, I think. And I might not have much insight into my own feelings, but I know a spark when I see it. And there was _definitely_ a spark there.”

Rafael let this thought percolate as they made their way up to their apartment. He felt slightly uneasy but couldn’t put his finger on why. He opened the front door and let her step past him into their home. After they had discarded their outer layers, she went to the kitchen and started making tea. “Anyway,” she continued, “I’ll ask Sonny if he wants to get together while she’s here. I know his schedule is probably just as busy as yours, but maybe he can carve out some time.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

His tone was like a hot knife. She turned around, still holding the kettle. “What?”

“What you just said about Carisi being as busy as me but carving out time,” he replied, folding his arms. She hated when he did that because it meant he was going into lawyer mode. “It sounded like a veiled complaint about my availability.”

Her shoulders dropped with the sigh she let out, and she set the kettle aside. “I didn’t mean it like that,” she said imploringly.

“Then how did you mean it?”

She rubbed the back of her neck. This was not how she envisioned this evening going. “I just meant—his schedule is a lot more erratic than yours, and I’d have to plan for that.”

Her explanation didn’t satisfy him. “Do you think I don’t _want_ to be spending time with you and Michelle instead of working? It’s not like I’m having a blast in my office dealing with needy cops and idiot defense attorneys.”

Now she was getting irritated. “Raf, I didn’t mean to start the Battle of the Post-Christmas Schedule. I know your schedule is going to be crazy and I certainly don’t think you’ll be enjoying yourself. All I meant was—look, you generally work a set schedule during the week. His hours are all over the place, and I don’t know when he’s going to be around. If he wants to join us, I’ll have to make our schedule more flexible to accommodate him. That’s _all_ I meant. God, you know I don’t play passive-aggressive.”

She went back to making tea, and he sighed. He knew what she said was true. She never played games with her words. It was one of the many reasons he loved her; he never had to figure out whether she meant what she said. Whatever was going on, it was clearly in his own head. He came up behind her and put his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder.

“I’m sorry.” She didn’t say anything. “I really am. Maybe I’m just—I don’t know, stressed about the holidays. Or work. Or—I don’t know, but I shouldn’t be taking it out on you.”

She turned her head just a bit. “Do you want tea?”

He knew this was her way of accepting his apology. That was another thing he loved about her: she wasn’t a pushover, but she also didn’t hang onto anger the way some women might. “Yes, _por favor_ ,” he replied.

The rest of the evening was perfectly routine. They watched a cheesy Christmas movie—something stupid on Netflix that Anna had found—and made fun of it the entire time. Anna took a shower while he went through his calendar for the shortened work week. He thought maybe he could get ahead on his caseload just enough to be able to take an afternoon off to spend time with Anna and Michelle—and Carisi, if he had to. But something was still nagging at him, a weird unease, like there was a rubber band around his chest. By the time he wandered into the bedroom to put on pajamas, Anna was already in bed with a book.

“What are you reading?” he asked.

She held up the book. _A Christmas Carol_ , the cover read. “I know it’s cheesy,” she said, “but it’s festive.”

Rafael shook his head. “Oh, yeah, a story about a cranky old man who has to see his own possible demise in order to start acting like a functioning human. Festive.”

She raised an eyebrow. “All you need is to follow that up with a ‘bah, humbug.’”

“I’m sorry,” he said, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “I didn’t know you liked Dickens.”

“I’m not huge into him, really. Frankly, he’s far too wordy. But I guess this story…” She trailed off, biting her bottom lip for a second as she thought how to phrase what she wanted to say. “I guess it’s interesting to me, how the choices you make can affect not just your life but the lives of others, and how differently things could have turned out if you’d chosen something else.”

Something in that statement smacked him in the face. He realized what had been bothering him since they got home. With a shaky voice, he asked, “If your mom hadn’t pointed it out to you, would you and I be here right now?”

Anna thought she had misheard. She looked over at him. “What’d you say?”

“What you said about your mom telling you that you wanted to be with me,” he said. “If she hadn’t pointed that out, would you have ever realized it?”

She set the book on the nightstand. “Is this what’s been bothering you tonight?”

“Yes,” he said, eyes downcast. “I guess I always thought you came to that realization on your own.”

“Does it change anything? The fact that I didn’t?” she asked.

He reached for her hand and traced the lines of her veins. “Not really. But if you hadn’t had your mom around to tell you, would there be an us?”

She tilted her head. “I think so. There was no stopping the feelings I had. I’m just lucky that I had her because it got us together faster.”

He felt the tension leaving his shoulders and kissed her shoulder. “Well, if you think there’s the potential for Michelle and Carisi to have what we have, then you should do what you can to get them there like your mom got us here.”

Suddenly, her eyes lit up along with her expression. “I just realized what you can get me for Christmas.”

“After what I’ve made you put up with tonight, you can have whatever you want,” he said, happy to have made her smile again. “What is it?”

“Is Olivia still having that New Year’s Eve party?”

“I think so, but I told her we’d be with Michelle, and I didn’t think Michelle would want to hang out with a bunch of cops and lawyers on New Year’s Eve in New York City.”

Anna crawled on top of him, and he was caught off guard. But before he could pull her down to him, she leaned over to his nightstand and grabbed his phone. “Here,” she said, handing it to him. “Tell her we’re coming, and that we’re bringing Michelle.”

It was difficult to focus with her straddling him, but he managed to type out the message to Olivia and then nearly threw his phone back onto the nightstand. She started to climb back onto her side of the bed, but he held onto her hips. In a dark, heady voice, he asked, “Where do you think you’re going?”

He lifted his hips from the bed just enough to press into her center, and she involuntarily shuddered. “I’m staying right here,” she whispered, just before he pulled her to his chest and pressed his lips to hers.

* * *

On Christmas Eve, Anna and Rafael had dinner with Lucia, enjoying a combination of Latin and Jewish food. The two women spent the afternoon cooking up a storm; Rafael tried to help, but every time he approached the kitchen, one of them swatted him away. After dinner, they exchanged gifts. Anna had bought Lucia an expensive and personalized day planner for the next year, knowing that she much preferred to keep her schedule manually rather than by using her phone’s calendar. Rafael bought her two new cocktail rings, which she loved, along with a set of pearl earrings, which she also loved but which she yelled at Rafael for spending so much money on.

Lucia’s gift to Anna was something that other women might have found offensive, but that Anna treasured: a cookbook that had belonged to Catalina, full of annotations and modifications. “My mother gave this to me when I married Rafael’s father,” Lucia had said. “And now I have a daughter to pass it on to.” Anna had cried.

Rafael’s gift was slightly less sentimental but no less appreciated: a bottle of his favorite bourbon, along with a Starbucks gift card. He appreciated functional gifts, his mother knew; they didn’t have to be sentimental to please him. He had been that way since he was a small boy, Lucia had told Anna. When other kids wanted toys, Rafael always wanted books or new shoes, and she was happy to oblige.

Christmas Day was one of those rare days when neither Anna nor Rafael had anywhere to be. They slept in and, when they finally woke up, had breakfast in their pajamas. Anna made French toast, and they drank mimosas while watching the snow fall outside their dining room window. After they both showered and dressed for the day, Anna brought out a big box wrapped in silver and blue paper, decorated with an enormous bow.

“What in the world—” Rafael started, but Anna cut him off.

“It’s not a tie,” she said with a grin.

He took the box from her and sat down on the couch. “You didn’t have to get me anything, you know.”

She sat down next to him. “You say that every year, and every year, I ignore you. Now open it.”

He unwrapped the box carefully, which he only did because he knew it drove her crazy. When he’d finally peeled the paper off, he was awestruck. Anna had bought him a beautiful, porcelain pour-over coffee set along with a subscription to a gourmet coffee company for a year. He knew she didn’t make much at the diner, so she must have saved for quite some time to be able to buy this for him.

“Oh, Anna. This is so…”

“Practical?” she suggested, still grinning at him, clearly satisfied with herself.

He wrapped her in his arms, feeling very blessed. “I love you. Thank you, _mi amor_.”

“You’re welcome. And I love you, too.”

He pulled away from her and sighed. “Well, geez…if I had known you bought me something, I’d have gotten something for you.”

“I already told you what your gift could be,” she said. “You don’t have to get me anything else.”

It was his turn to smile. “Not that I intend to back out of that promise, but did you really think I’d let the holidays go by and not get you _anything_?”

“But you said I’m too hard to buy for,” she reminded him.

He got off the couch and went into the bedroom, returning a few moments later with a five-by-seven box, covered by wrapping paper with dreidels on it. “I know I’m technically a day late, but…”

She took the box from him and tore into it like a child would. The box was plain white underneath the paper. Suddenly, he grabbed the box of Kleenex from the coffee table and set it between them. “Just in case,” he explained.

Inhaling deeply, she lifted the lid off of the box and pulled back a few layers of tissue paper until she found a plain, white envelope. “You’re really making this complicated,” she laughed.

“Are you really surprised?”

She took the envelope out and set the box aside. The envelope wasn’t sealed, so she was able to easily open it. She looked inside and saw what appeared to be tickets to something. When she pulled them out and turned them over, she let out a sound that was halfway between a gasp and a sob.

In her shaking hands were two tickets to The Lion King on Broadway.

He handed her a tissue. She hadn’t even realized she’d been crying until then. “Rafael…”

“Oh, my. You’re using my full name. I’ve either done something very bad or very good,” he said, beaming at her.

“I just—I can’t—how did you know? How did you know that this is the one show I’ve always wanted to see?”

He took one of her hands. “After we had that argument last weekend, I started thinking about Michelle’s visit and what you two could do together. Then I remembered that Michelle works in theater and how you guys have a shared love of musicals. And then…”

“Then?”

He took a deep breath and looked into her eyes, wet with emotion. “Somehow, I remembered that photo you left at your brother’s grave. The one of you and him singing at the bar mitzvah. I remembered the song, and from there, it was an easy—”

She didn’t even let him finish. Before he knew what was happening, she was kissing him, kissing him, kissing him like it was the first time. She wrapped her fingers through his hair, fluffier than usual with no gel in it, and tried to tell him how much she loved him by the slip of her mouth against his. She knew occasionally she took his love for granted, as people tended to do when they had been together for a long time. But it was acts like this that showed her the depth of that love, nearly overwhelming her.

When she finally pulled away from him, they were both breathless and flushed. He licked his lips, the taste of her cherry Chapstick left on them. “Wow,” he said. “That was…”

“Priceless,” she finished. “Absolutely priceless.”

* * *

Later that night, while Rafael talked to Olivia and Noah on FaceTime, Anna called Sonny. Thankfully, he picked up on the second ring. “Merry Christmas!”

“Hey! Merry Christmas back!”

She briefly debated making a joke out of the fact that he’d just said Merry Christmas to a Jew, but he sounded so joyful that she couldn’t bring herself to do it. The sound of little girls’ laughter echoed in the background, and she knew he was probably visiting with his nieces.

“How’s your holiday been?” she asked.

“Oh, it’s been great! The kids have been having a blast. My father has basically kidnapped my nephew, though—first Christmas for his first grandson, you know.”

“Totally,” Anna said. “Did you end up on Santa’s naughty list?”

“I’m _never_ on the naughty list. I’m a good Catholic boy, remember?”

She laughed. “Rafael’s a good Catholic boy too, and he’s _always_ on someone’s naughty list.”

“Yeah, usually defense attorneys,” Sonny replied. “Did you guys exchange gifts?”

“We did. I gave him a pour over set.”

“How very Brooklyn of you,” he snorted. “Next it’ll be artisan pickles.”

“Hey, I’m not the one who puts goat cheese on pizza, pal.”

Suddenly, on the other end of the call, a little girl squealed, “Uncle Sonny! You promised to play Candyland!”

“I will in a second, Delilah, I promise,” he said. Then, turning his attention back to the phone call, he said, “Sorry, Uncle Sonny is on the clock right now.”

“I won’t keep you, then,” Anna replied. “I just had a quick question, actually.”

“Shoot.”

“You remember my friend Michelle, right?”

There was a momentary pause, and then he said, “Yeah, of course. What about her?”

“Well,” she began, “I don’t know if Raf mentioned it or anything, but she’s going to be here from tomorrow until New Year’s Day.”

“Oh, really?” he said, trying to sound as blasé as possible. “That’s great. You guys don’t get to see each other much, right?”

“Yeah. That said, Raf isn’t going to be able to take much time off work, and Amanda and I were talking and thought maybe we’d take her out to bar hop. But I was thinking of other things we could do for the week, and I wondered if maybe you had any ideas. I’m sure you know a ton of cool stuff to do in the winter, since you’re the one who grew up around here.”

“I—well, I mean, work is—my schedule’s a bit weird this coming week, the holiday is always busy for us with all the drunk kids going to parties and making terrible life choices, but”—he wondered if Anna could hear his smile through the phone—“I’m sure I could figure something out. Amanda owes me a favor anyway. I’ll see if I can get her to cover for me this week. Can I let you know when?”

“Sure, of course,” Anna said. “We don’t have any firm plans just yet, so we’re pretty flexible. Just—no touristy stuff, okay? We did all that crap last time she was here.”

“Don’t worry,” he laughed. “There’s no way I’d be taking anyone to the Empire State Building when there are ten thousand other things we could be doing that are less expensive and more fun.”

Anna was pleased; this was even easier than she thought it would be. “Great! Well, I’ll let you get back to your nieces. Candyland is very important stuff.”

“I keep telling myself that someday, my knowledge of children’s board games will serve me well.”

“Maybe sooner than you think,” Anna replied, before she could stop herself. _So much for subtlety,_ she thought.

If Sonny noticed, he didn’t say anything. “I’ll give you a call tomorrow when I figure out my schedule.”

“Sure thing. Have a great night, Sonny. Give our love to your family.”

“You, too. Tell Barba I said Merry Christmas.”

“Will do.”

By the time she hung up, Rafael had settled onto the couch and was scrolling through the news on his phone. When he noticed her come back into the room, he asked, “How’s Carisi?”

“He’s good. He asked me to say Merry Christmas.”

Rafael glanced up. “I suppose it’s too late for me to say it back.”

“I think it’s implied,” she said. “I talked to him about this coming week, by the way.”

“Oh yeah? What’d he say?”

Anna stretched her arms over her head. “Well, let’s just say I don’t think I’ll be needing your help after all.”

He smirked. “I guess it’s a good thing I got you those tickets after all, then. Otherwise, what would I have been able to give you?”

It was another one of those moments. Looking at him lying there on the couch, her heart beat faster with the realization that this was her life: a beautiful apartment, her best friend coming to visit, and her handsome, brilliant husband-to-be, who looked just as sexy in a t-shirt and jeans as he did in his Armani. She walked back toward the hallway but stopped and turned around just before she got there.

“I don’t know,” she said. “But I’m sure it’d be just as breathtaking as a Broadway show.”

She didn’t make it more than another foot down the hall before he caught her around the waist. And as he walked her backward into the bedroom, he nipped at her earlobe and murmured, “Well, then. Maybe I should get a jump on next year’s gift.”


	2. Half-Timing, Half-Luck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELP. It happened again. I meant for this chapter to do a thing, and because I am wordier than Charles Dickens, I’ve had to break it up into two chapters. Sorry not sorry.
> 
> I don’t always feel the need to explain my writing process/thoughts, but I feel like I want to here. While I was writing this chapter, I realized that the relationship between Anna and Carisi has developed into a brother-sister type thing, which, as you know, is a very emotional thing for her. This will come into play at some point soon. But I think that’s part of why Anna wants him to be happy, and I think if anyone were going to be as good a brother to her as her beloved, departed Jakey, it would be Sonny. 
> 
> So, with that in mind, if y’all were excited to see more of Michelle and Carisi, you’re in for a treat. There will be more from here on, but this is the start of it. Everyone wants our favorite cinnamon roll to be happy, right? 
> 
> Just an FYI: the scene in the squadroom and what they’re discussing is quite personal to me, if you get my drift. I know it’s SVU and so sexual assault cases are a thing in general, but I’d be remiss not to put a trigger warning here.
> 
> Song: "Haven’t Met You Yet" by Michael Bublé. Usually I struggle with song choices for a while, but this was such an easy pick it wasn’t even funny.

Anna paced back and forth in front of baggage claim at Newark airport, waiting anxiously for Michelle to descend from the concourse. Anna had texted her three times since her flight landed fifteen minutes earlier but hadn’t gotten a response. The flight itself had been delayed, in fact, due to crappy weather in Chicago, and then took forever to taxi because of a small fire on the tarmac. _Just like Jersey to be on fire_ , Anna thought with a wry smile. That didn’t explain why Michelle hadn’t turned her phone back on, of course.

Just as Anna heard the loud, irritating alarm announcing the arrival of another plane’s worth of baggage, she felt a tap on her shoulder. She spun around, and was immediately grateful for the noise, because it meant that nobody was disturbed by the shriek both she and Michelle let out as they embraced.

“Oh my God! I can’t believe you’re finally here!” Anna said, hugging her best friend tightly. “Why didn’t you answer my texts?”

Michelle held up her phone, showing Anna the broken screen. “I…may have had a little accident.”

“Oh, there’s a real shock,” Anna laughed. Michelle had always been a tad klutzy. She always said that was why she was happy to work on shows behind-the-scenes instead of onstage: no one could see when she tripped over her shoelaces or dropped a prop. “We can get you a new one later today. I assume you have luggage?”

“Do you know me at all?” Michelle asked. They turned toward the conveyor belt routing luggage in a loop. A sea of black was broken only by a bright pink, polka-dotted suitcase. “Mom and Dad got it for me for Hanukkah,” she explained, hoisting it onto the floor and pulling the handle up. “They figured it would be harder for the airline to lose it.”

“Hey, don’t feel like you have to explain anything to me. Wait until I show you Rafael’s closet.”

Michelle looked around. “Speaking of your hot cup of coffee, where is he?”

“I think he’s in court today, actually,” Anna said. “I don’t know what kind of sadist judge decides to start a trial the day after Christmas, but…”

“That’s okay,” Michelle said, and smiled brightly. “We can catch up in the car on the way back to your place that way.”

* * *

Half an hour later, a Lyft dropped them off at the Chelsea apartment that Anna and Rafael shared. As they exited the car, Michelle looked up at the apartment building, a modern high-rise that looked like a piece of artwork rather than a place to live. She turned to Anna, aghast.

“What?” Anna asked.

“You live _here_?”

“Yeah,” Anna said with a sheepish smile. “Bit of an upgrade from my old place, huh?”

“I mean, your old place was cute!” Michelle said. “It reminded me of an apartment you’d find in Silverlake. This is…”

“Well, it’s not my parents’ house,” Anna replied, as they walked through the lobby toward the elevators. “But it’s definitely nicer than anywhere I ever expected to live.”

“What made you pick this neighborhood?”

She shrugged. “Well, Raf works on Foley Square, and Fordham is up by Central Park, so this is kind of in the middle.”

“How pragmatic of you,” Michelle replied. “Anything else you like about living here as opposed to the East Village?”

“I mean, every neighborhood has its pros and cons. The Village was way more fun as a single woman. I miss being able to go sit and watch the dogs at the dog run. And I miss having a Big Gay Ice Cream like, two streets away. But it’s definitely quieter here—relatively speaking—and the High Line is right there, too.”

The ding of the elevator announced their arrival on Anna’s floor. Michelle followed her down the long hallway, until she stopped in front of one of the many identical white doors. “Do you ever accidentally try to open someone else’s door?” Michelle asked.

“Oh, when we first moved in, I did it all the time. I kept looking for my old apartment number and going to that door,” Anna replied. She opened the door and stepped inside, allowing Michelle to pass by her. “Well, welcome to your temporary home.”

Michelle set her suitcase to the side and took in her surroundings. She took her boots off and walked down the hallway into the main living area, an open floor plan with the living room to one side and the kitchen to the other. She walked toward the huge, floor-to-ceiling windows on the far side of the room and stared out at the city before her. The snow on the trees sparkled in the sunlight, and for a moment, she was very jealous that Anna got to experience the seasons change.

“Well, kid, you done good,” she finally said, turning back to Anna, who had begun to make a fresh pot of coffee. “Big change since last time I—”

She stopped short, realizing she had put her foot in her mouth. But Anna gave her a reassuring smile as she set the coffee pot to brew. “Yeah, and this time, you get your own bedroom, too. And you don’t have to sleep on a crappy IKEA futon!”

She gestured to Michelle to come with her, and led her to the office, which had temporarily been transformed into a guest room, courtesy of a high-quality, queen-sized air mattress. “Wow,” Michelle said. “You guys didn’t have to go through all this trouble, you know. I would have been fine on the couch.”

“Please,” Anna replied. “What’s the use of having a second bedroom if you can’t have people sleep in it?”

Once Michelle had moved her suitcase into her room, they went back into the kitchen and settled onto the couch with two cups of coffee. After they toasted their reunion, Michelle asked, “You think you’ll ever have a permanent person in that second bedroom?”

Anna nearly inhaled her coffee. “Sorry, what?”

Michelle laughed. “Sorry, sorry. I know that was abrupt. I just—I mean, you’re marrying the guy! Have you had the kid discussion yet?”

“Of course,” Anna said, catching her breath. “We want kids someday. But I mean, I need to get through the bar exam and start work and then, you know, it’d be nice to have a wedding first.”

“Any plans on that front? I know you said you wanted to wait ‘til after you pass the bar, but that doesn’t mean you can’t start planning things now.”

Anna grinned. “Is that a hint?”

Michelle held up her hands. “Hey, I’m just saying, you’re the one who asked me if there was anything I wanted to do while I’m here.”

Anna hadn’t even thought about the wedding in a lot of detail. After the engagement party in October, life had largely returned to normal. Once in a while she became very aware of her ring—usually when she caught a sweater on it—but with work, classes, the holidays, and planning for Michelle’s visit, the idea of planning a wedding that was at least two years away was the last thing on her mind. That said, she and Michelle didn’t get much in-person time together, and if Michelle really did want to spend part of her vacation time doing wedding-related things, then Anna was fine with that.

“If that’s really how you want to spend your time, then I’m not going to argue with you,” she said. “Which reminds me, I know I’m supposed to do some big proposal of my own, but I wanted to know if—”

Before she could even finish, Michelle had thrown her arms around Anna and said, “Yes! Absolutely!”

Anna laughed and hugged her back. “How do you know I wasn’t about to ask if you would help me hide a dead body?”

“Even if you were, my answer wouldn’t change!”

Anna picked up both mugs and handed Michelle hers. “And that,” she said, clinking her cup against Michelle’s, “is why I picked you for maid of honor.”

Michelle grinned. “From what I remember of Kim’s wedding plans, it’s entirely possible I’ll need to. Do you remember me telling you about the ordeal with the centerpiece flowers?”

“Oh God,” Anna groaned, rubbing her forehead. “The daisies vs. lilies problem.”

“I still don’t know how a florist confuses daisies and lilies!” Michelle said. “I thought Kim and her mom were going to strangle the poor clerk.”

“Don’t ever tell Kim I said this,” Anna said, lowering her voice as if their friend might have the apartment bugged, “but I thought the daisies looked better anyway.”

Michelle’s eyes widened. “I thought I was the only one!”

“Things I don’t want at my wedding, number one: lilies.”

“I assume Rafael, like most grooms, doesn’t care?”

“Actually,” Anna mused, “I think if any groom were ever going to have an opinion about things like flowers, it’s Rafael.”

“Oh, Lord, is he going to be a groomzilla?”

“I don’t think so, no,” Anna replied. “I mean, make no mistake, he’ll want input. A lot of input. But ultimately, I think he’ll be reasonable. And besides, at least he has good taste and a sense of style.”

Michelle set down her now-empty mug. “Which brings me to my next point—I want to see this crazy wardrobe you keep talking about!”

Anna laughed and got up from the couch. “All right, but if we get lost in a pile of socks and ties, I’m sacrificing you to save myself!”

* * *

“Barba! How was your holiday?” Amanda had just finished making a fresh pot of coffee when she saw an orange tie with the prosecutor attached to it enter the squad room. She handed him a paper cup so he could pour some for himself.

“It was…relaxing, believe it or not,” he replied, filling the cup with what he considered the worst coffee in the city. Given how much time he spent in the precinct these days, he really needed to start buying his preferred blend for them. “Yours?”

“I had the Christmas shift, so it was pretty quiet,” she replied. “But Carisi took Christmas Eve and the morning after for me so I could be with Jesse and watch her open presents.”

He smiled. “And what did Santa bring her this year?”

“Santa Claus wasn’t the one who spoiled her. _Sonny_ Claus, on the other hand…”

And as if on cue, Sonny walked in, carrying a huge paper grocery bag. “Hey, everyone!” he said, his voice bright. “How was Christmas?”

“Probably not as good as yours,” Amanda said. “What’s in the bag?”

“Leftovers,” Sonny replied. “So many leftovers. You’d think having twenty-five people in a house would mean we wouldn’t have any, but you end up with more than anyone could ever eat.”

“How’s that possible?” Rafael asked.

“Ten of those people are Italian women. Need I say more?”

With that, he set the bag on an empty desk and, before even taking off his coat, began unloading it.

“I didn’t know we were doing a post-holiday potluck!” Olivia had just walked in with an armload of files and a Starbucks cup, of which Rafael was very jealous.

“Please,” Sonny said, “eat some. All of you. And I brought to-go containers, so you”—he looked at Rafael—“can take some home to Anna.”

“Well, then, you better give me enough for two,” Rafael replied. “I think Anna mentioned that her friend Michelle is staying with us?”

The hitch in Sonny’s breath was so subtle that if Rafael hadn’t been standing so close, he wouldn’t have noticed. He had to work to contain his smile, trying not to enjoy how flustered the detective was.

“Oh, right,” Sonny said. “Anna mentioned yesterday. The flight land okay?”

“Yep, landed at eight. Anna met her at Newark. Flight was delayed a while—some fire on the tarmac.”

“Sounds like Jersey,” Olivia replied, and set down her coffee. “All right, give me a minute and then we can start.”

While Olivia was organizing the case file in her office, Sonny headed for the coffee. Rafael followed, wanting a minute alone. “Counselor, I thought you had court today,” Sonny said.

Rafael snorted. “Yeah, well, I guess His Honor called in sick. Although I’m betting it was more like calling in hungover.”

“Serves him right for thinking it was a good idea to start jury selection the day after Christmas.”

“My feelings exactly,” Rafael said. “So, Anna talked to you about this week, right?”

“Yeah. I mean, not specifics or anything, but she asked me if I wanted to get together with them. Why?”

Rafael knew Anna would likely kill him for it, but he felt he should say something. “Listen, it’s just that she’s planning—”

“All right, you guys ready over there?” Olivia called from across the room.

“We’ll talk later,” Rafael whispered. Then, he turned back around and said, in his best prosecutor voice, “All right, what horrors await today?”

They gathered around the giant projector screen on the wall and Olivia pulled up a photo of a pretty brunette who looked like she was barely out of high school. In the photo, she was smiling, but Rafael guessed it was a school portrait.

“This is Julie Smith. She’s a freshman at NYU. Two weeks ago, she was sent to us by RAINN, after she called them to talk about flashbacks she was having.”

“Assaulted on campus?” Rafael guessed.

Olivia looked at Amanda. “Rollins, you took the disclosure. You want to take it from here?”

Amanda got up and took the clicker from Olivia, and a second later, another photo popped up, this one of a smiling, clean-cut, dark-eyed young man. He reminded Rafael of the kind of kid colleges would use on their admissions brochures.

“This is Andrew Jamison, also a freshman, but at Fordham. He and Julie went to school together since sixth grade, when Julie transferred in from Michigan.”

“This doesn’t answer my question,” Rafael said, a bit impatiently.

“I’m getting there, counselor.” The way she said it, she may as well have added a bless-your-heart to the end of the sentence. “They were good friends from that time until the eighth grade, when, at some point, they started dating—”

“Well, as much as anything can be called dating in the eighth grade,” Sonny added.

Amanda shot an irritated glance at him. “Are you two going to interrupt me constantly, or can I get through this?”

“Sorry,” both Rafael and Sonny said at once.

She sighed. “As I was saying, at some point they started dating and one day, he asks her to go with him to an empty classroom during their lunch period.”

 _This isn’t going to end well,_ Rafael thought.

“He gets her in there, locks the door—she says she thought he just wanted to make out. But he ends up forcing her into giving him oral sex.”

Rafael winced. “I don’t suppose she went to a doctor afterward?”

Olivia stood back up. “No, but according to her, she attempted to disclose the next day.”

“Attempted?”

“She said she went to a teacher to try and get some help,” Olivia said. “She said she got as far as saying that something upsetting had happened between her and Andrew, but the teacher said she, and I quote, ‘didn’t want to hear about their relationship problems.’”

Sonny gave a disdainful smile. “More like she didn’t want to do her damn job.”

“Have you talked to this fine educator?” Rafael asked.

“Still tracking her down,” Sonny replied. “She retired the next year and moved upstate.”

“Great,” Rafael said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I assume you vetted the girl?”

“We did,” Amanda said. “Her story checks out so far. She was able to show us to the classroom where it happened, _and—_ you’ll love this—she kept a diary.”

Rafael’s eyebrows lifted. “Really? Anything useful?”

Olivia handed him copies of selected diary entries, the handwriting loopy and distinctly feminine. They were dated four years prior. He glanced through them; Julie had written in the stream-of-consciousness, rambling way that most teenage girls did. But where most teenage girls would be writing about who was caught kissing who at a party or how much they hated their parents and how much school annoyed them, Julie had discussed in specific detail her relationship with Andrew. It was very…adult. And her description of events corroborated what she had told the detectives. Still, it was his job to anticipate the defense’s arguments.

“How do we know,” he asked, “that this journal was kept at the time? Defense is going to argue that there’s no proof it existed back then.”

“We’re running forensics on it,” Amanda said. “They should be back soon and should verify the approximate age of the entries. In the meantime, we were hoping for warrants for cell records, computers, internet—”

He let out a small huff of a laugh. “Sometimes I feel like we’re in a diner and you’re ordering your usual. We should name it the Barba Special or something.” He swallowed the remainder of his coffee and added, “I’ll get you everything later today.”

“Great,” Olivia said. “In the meantime, Carisi, why don’t you head on up to Fordham and see if you can find out if this guy has any complaints filed against him there? If he did this in high school, he’s likely to have done it again in college.”

Sonny quirked an eyebrow. “Yeah, but Sarge, it’s winter break. No one’s gonna be in the dean’s office—and even if they were, you know they won’t tell me anything.”

Olivia returned his eyebrow raise with one of her own. “Who said anything about the dean’s office? Start with the dorms—their walls usually have ears, even during breaks.”

The detective nodded his understanding and looked at Rafael. “Walk out?”

Rafael gave a cursory wave to Olivia and Amanda, both of whom had already moved into Olivia’s office to continue discussing the missing teacher. As Sonny was about to leave, Rafael stopped him. “Hey, before we go, let me take some of the leftovers for the girls.”

Sonny handed him various sizes of plastic containers and began helping him divide the leftovers into smaller portions. Rafael never ceased to be amazed at the sheer amount of food Sonny’s family supplied at their get-togethers. He and Anna had now been to several, and always ended up taking home more than they could possibly eat.

“Are they gonna want any of the ham?” Sonny asked as he added some sweet potatoes to a container. “I mean, I know Anna doesn’t keep kosher, but I don’t know about Michelle…”

Rafael shrugged. “No idea, but if they don’t, I’ll be more than happy to take it off their hands.”

“Okay then,” Sonny replied, obliging. When the containers were filled, he put them into a smaller paper grocery bag and handed it to Rafael. “There ya go. Thank you for once again ridding me of an overabundance of food. I swear, my mother thinks I live with an army.”

Laughing, Rafael said, “Hey, anytime you want to give me food that I don’t have to cook is fine with me.”

“Yeah, tell me about it,” Sonny replied as they walked to the elevators. “I love to cook, don’t get me wrong, but I’m never home early enough to make anything halfway decent.”

“When I lived alone,” Rafael said, “I never cooked for myself. It always seemed sort of depressing, making a nice meal just to eat alone at my desk.”

“I don’t mind eating alone most of the time, but it would be nice to have someone to share a glass of wine with, I guess,” Sonny said, a bit wistfully.

The elevator arrived just as Sonny said that, and Rafael was suddenly reminded of what he wanted to say earlier. “Uh, Car—I mean, Sonny,” he began, feeling slightly weird about using that name. “You should know that I think Anna might be…plotting.”

“Plotting what?”

“I think she noticed you and Michelle sort of hit it off over FaceTime at our engagement party.”

Sonny noticeably stiffened. “Why would she think that?”

Rafael smirked. “As she put it, she has a sixth sense.”

“I guess Italian women and Jewish women have that in common,” Sonny replied with a smirk of his own. “Seems like every time I see my sisters, there’s some new girl I gotta meet.”

“Makes me glad I’m an only child.”

“You ever want siblings?”

“Sometimes. My two best friends were like my brothers, but they were as close as I ever got.”

“Must be nice to have that in common with Anna,” Sonny said. Rafael winced slightly; he had almost forgotten that no one else knew about Jake. “Anyway, thanks for the heads up.”

They reached the lobby and said goodbye, but as Sonny turned to head in the opposite direction, Rafael remembered what he had told Anna the other night—that if Michelle and Sonny could have what he and Anna had, then she should try to get them there.

“Hey, Sonny,” he called, and the detective turned around.

“What’s up?”

Rafael stuck his hands in his pockets, looked away, and smiled. “You should let her.”

Sonny cocked his head and walked back toward Rafael. “‘Scuse me?”

“I said you should let Anna fix you up,” Rafael said, meeting Sonny’s eyes again. “For whatever it’s worth, Michelle is a great woman, and Anna’s instincts are usually right.”

Sonny opened his mouth as if he wanted to respond, but closed it just as quickly. A slight flush crept over his cheeks and he nodded acknowledgment, if not agreement. He turned on his heel and headed off on his assigned mission.

Meanwhile, Rafael checked his phone and saw two texts from Anna. One of them was just letting him know that she and Michelle had arrived home safely. The other was a selfie of the two of them, coffee mugs in hand, smiling up at the camera. The message that accompanied it made him smile: _May or may not have added Bailey’s to this coffee…_

He shook his head, amused, and started back toward Hogan Place, thinking about a cup of coffee of his own—even if it wasn’t spiked.

* * *

Back at the apartment, Anna and Michelle were trying to decide what they wanted to do with their afternoon. They planned to spend that evening in, since they had both been up early; Michelle in particular was exhausted by the plane ride. Besides, it would give her a chance to catch up with Rafael, too. She still didn’t know him as well as she felt she should know the man marrying her best friend. She had seen him only once in person, and that was while he was thoroughly relaxed. She was interested to see how he was in everyday life.

It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him, or that she thought he had been fake with her and Kim. It was more that she wanted to see whether he and Anna really were as happy as they seemed. Skeptical of the idea of a happy, long-term relationship, Michelle felt like most people settled, which was her explanation for the divorce rate. Her own parents had been divorced for a decade, and though they were still on good terms, they were a perfect example of a couple who had been together for so long that it was either break up or get married. That was why she was still single—she wasn’t willing to settle for less than she wanted, and she was fairly certain that what she wanted didn’t exist.

“Okay,” Anna said, “it’s noon now. We have until six, because I’m going to make dinner and Raf should be home around eight. So, what do you want to do with the six hours in between?”

Michelle took a bite of her grilled cheese and said, “You already made lunch! You don’t have to cook again tonight. We could order a pizza!”

Anna dipped her sandwich into her tomato soup. “Okay, first, not the answer to my question, and second, absolutely not. We’ll be eating out plenty this week, trust me, especially if Sonny—” She stopped herself, but it was too late. Michelle had already raised her eyebrows.

“Excuse me, what about Sonny?”

Trying to hide her smile, Anna said, “I might have asked him if he wanted to join us at some point during the week…”

“And why, may I ask, did you do that?” Michelle asked, suspicion dripping from the question.

“Well,” Anna began, trying to gather together a benign explanation, “he’s lived here all his life and he knows the best places to eat. He had some cool ideas for stuff to do, too.” She hoped Michelle didn’t ask for examples, since she hadn’t actually talked to Sonny since Christmas.

Michelle didn’t entirely believe Anna’s explanation, but was also kind of excited; she’d spent a good deal of time at the engagement party talking to the handsome, sandy-haired detective with the most adorable accent she’d ever heard, and she had wondered whether she would get to meet him on this trip.

“Okay,” she finally said. “Sounds good.”

Anna’s eyes brightened with excitement. “Great! I’ll shoot him a text.” As she typed out a message to him, she said, “That still doesn’t solve the problem of what to do today.”

Michelle thought for a minute, and then it dawned on her. “At the risk of making you miserable during your winter break, how would you feel about showing me where you go to school?”

“Really?” Anna asked, a bit incredulous. “You _really_ want to go walk around my school on a freezing cold day?”

“Why not? Think I can’t handle a little cold just because I come from the better coast?”

“You forget I come from that same coast?” Anna said, an eyebrow raised. “It’s just that I didn’t think that’s what you’d want to do with your vacation, that’s all.”

“Didn’t you tell me that when you came to L.A. with Rafael, he asked you to show him places that had meaning to you?”

“Yes, but—”

“Well, consider this the same request. Or was that a special, Rafael-only thing?” Michelle teased.

Anna shook her head. “No, I just—okay, I’m going to stop arguing. You’re more stubborn than Rafael.”

Michelle smiled and polished off the rest of her sandwich. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

* * *

It took them just under half an hour to reach the school, which was situated in the heart of Lincoln Center. The law building was easily identifiable, as it was brand new and enormous.

“The tower,” Anna explained as they approached it, “is actually dorms, for both law students and undergrads. The shorter one is the law school.”

Michelle looked up at the checkerboard-patterned façade, the sun reflecting off its windows, and said, “I wonder why they let undergrads live in law student dorms, attached to the law school.”

“Yeah, I’ve been trying to follow the logic, too,” Anna replied, pulling her scarf tighter around her neck. “Seems like a bad idea, but maybe they think by putting the dorms near a bunch of future lawyers, kids will be less likely to behave badly.”

“How’s that working out for them?”

Anna shrugged. “I mean, Raf doesn’t talk much about his cases, but of the college ones I know about, Fordham hasn’t been involved. Usually it’s Hudson.” She made a face that was somewhere between disgust and pity.

“Well, maybe this place is on to something, then,” Michelle said. “Does Hudson have a law school?”

“Nope, and even if they did, I doubt it would keep the frat boys under control.”

Michelle was quiet for a minute as they entered the building. But as they each loosened their scarves and took off their gloves, she asked, “How is it for you, what he does?”

Anna shoved her gloves in her pockets. “What do you mean?”

“After…” Michelle tried to choose her words carefully. “After everything that’s happened, does it bother you ever? Hearing about it? I mean, most couples talk about how their day at work was, right?”

Anna shook her head as they began to walk through the school. “Like I said, he doesn’t talk much about it. I think when he leaves his office, he tries to leave the horror show behind.”

“Would it bother you if he _did_ talk about it?”

“I don’t think so, no,” Anna said, after a moment. “I mean, I had therapy. I’ve processed it. But I really think he tries to be sensitive to the fact that I might not want to hear about any of it. I haven’t really had to think much about it.”

Michelle nodded slowly. “Well, I’m glad he tries to keep it in the office.”

“Honestly, I think I’ve heard more about his cases from the news than from him. I like it that way, though. It means that when he gets home, he gets to just be Rafael, rather than Barba or Counselor or whatever people call him at work. Now, do you want to see this place or not?”

For an hour, Anna led Michelle through the school, showing her the law library, the moot court room where she had been required to give an oral argument for her lawyering skills class—she’d gotten a B—and her favorite study spots, including a secluded corner of the second floor that had a view of the street but was also blocked by two walls. “It’s nice to get some sunlight, especially if I’ve been at the diner all day before class,” she explained. “But this way I don’t have to talk to anyone.”

As they emerged from the school onto the green space of the plaza, Michelle said, “Be honest. Do you like law school as much as you thought you would?”

Anna adjusted her scarf, using the time to think about her response. “There are times,” she finally said, “when I wonder why the hell I’m putting myself through this torture, sure. But then I remember why I wanted to go in the first place, and the fact that when I needed a good person to fight for me, I had one. So maybe I can be that for someone else.”

“Wow,” Michelle replied, pulling her curls into a bun on top of her head, even though a few tendrils still fell out. “You just made _me_ want to go to law school!”

Anna laughed. “No! I need you to stick with the arts. I have enough lawyers in my life!”

“What other lawyers have you been hanging out with, hmm?”

“Didn’t Sonny mention he’s a lawyer when you guys talked at the party?”

Michelle glanced at Anna, who was very clearly trying to keep a straight face. “Oh, right,” she replied. “I guess he just seemed, like…too nice to be a lawyer!”

“Oh, gee, thanks!” Anna said with a teasing grin.

“You know what I mean! But then again, he also seems too nice to be a cop.”

They started to walk through the courtyard, heading for the campus coffee shop. “He really _is_ that nice,” Anna said. “There’s no ‘seems’ about it.”

“Is he any good?”

Anna raised an eyebrow and smirked. “Well, how would I know if he’s good—”

Michelle whacked her in the arm. “You’re awful! I mean as a lawyer. Is he any good?”

“I don’t know, actually. Obviously, he’s still a cop, so he doesn’t practice, but he’s also the only reason I passed corporations and evidence, so he can’t be too bad at it!”

“How come your fiancé didn’t help you?”

“He offered, but honestly, I like hanging out with Sonny. He’s a lot of fun, even when he’s teaching me how to kick my fiancé’s ass in a legal argument.” Before Michelle could respond, however, Anna saw a familiar, long-limbed figure emerge from the dormitory, staring down at his phone. “Oh my God,” she mumbled.

“What?” Michelle asked, following Anna’s gaze. “Who is that?”

“Sonny?” Anna called, and the lanky figure looked up. He put a hand up to shield his eyes from the sun and saw a tiny blonde with her hair in a braid. And although he had never seen her in person, he had a feeling that the curvy, dark-haired woman with Anna was Michelle.

“Anna!” he called back, walking a little faster to meet them in the middle of the grass.

“What’re you doing here?” she asked, giving him a tight hug.

“Oh, y’know, they need someone to talk to people at Fordham about a case, guess who they send?” Then, he looked at Anna’s companion and realized his suspicion was correct. Extending a hand, he said, “You must be Michelle.”

Michelle didn’t react for a second; she hadn’t been expecting to run into Sonny the day she arrived. She had hoped to look a little more put together if and when it happened. But she felt herself involuntarily taking his hand in hers. “I am in fact Michelle. It’s good to know that you’re a real human and not some party-planning hologram!”

Sonny laughed and released her hand. “Hologram? No. Party-planner? Sometimes. What are _you_ two doing up here? Kinda a weird place to come right after you get to town, no?”

“Well, I told Anna I wanted to see where she goes to school,” Michelle said. “We had some time to kill before dinner, which Anna is insisting on cooking…”

While Sonny and Michelle talked, Anna hung back, trying to make herself invisible as she watched their body language. Sonny was clearly more jittery than usual, bouncing up and down on his heels. Michelle, on the other hand, was tugging on a tendril of her dark curls, which Anna knew was a nervous habit. She pulled out her phone and opened her text thread with Rafael.

_Wish you could see what I’m seeing. Ran into Sonny at Fordham._

A few seconds later, he replied. _Really? That’s the first place you decided to take her?_

 _Missing the point…_ Anna wrote back.

 _Sorry,_ he said. _So, what am I missing?_

Anna glanced up and, seeing that Sonny and Michelle were still engaged in conversation, lifted the phone just enough to snap a covert photo. She sent it off to Rafael and the reply that came made her laugh: _Operation Sixth Sense has commenced, I see_. She suppressed a laugh, tucked her phone away, and turned her attention back to the pair of them.

“…and before I know it, I’m sittin’ on the living room floor, my hair has a buncha butterfly clips in it, my nails are bright pink, and I’m wearin’ a tiara—all while my sister Gina is taking photos for blackmail.”

Michelle was laughing so hard that tears were falling from her eyes, although she told herself it was just from the wind in her face. “Well, next time, don’t make a bet with a seven-year-old over Candyland!”

“Oooh, Sonny, was that how you spent Christmas?” Anna asked. Both Sonny and Michelle startled a bit, as if they had forgotten that she was nearby. “You told me you were gonna play Candyland with Delilah, but you didn’t tell me you were going to place bets on it. Remind me to ask Gina to see those photos next time we’re at your family’s house.”

Sonny blushed. “Y’know, sometimes I feel like I have four sisters instead of three. Just remember, older brothers will always get you back.”

At the mention of older brothers, Michelle glanced at Anna. She didn’t seem upset, but then, Anna always was good at covering her emotions if she didn’t want them seen. Sometimes, that was a good thing; it was probably what got her through the trial. But it also made it easy, Michelle knew, to bury things and feelings she didn’t want to deal with—like her brother’s death.

“All right, well, I gotta get back to the station,” Sonny said. “You guys got plans on Sunday? I was gonna call you later and tell you, I got Amanda to take my shift, so I was thinking we could go get brunch and then, I dunno, maybe—”

“Dress shopping!” Michelle exclaimed. Both Sonny and Amanda stared at her.

“Excuse me?” Anna said.

“Hey, you said we could do wedding stuff. And we both know you”—she put her hand on Sonny’s forearm—“are _already_ involved with the wedding stuff. Who better to give a guy’s opinion than the party-planning non-hologram himself?”

Sonny felt his ears pink and he didn’t quite know what to say. But if it meant getting to spend more time with this woman who seemed to be as witty as she was beautiful, he would have agreed to just about anything the two of them asked.

“Sure,” he said. “What are older brothers for?”


	3. Hangovers & Hang-ups

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand I’m back.
> 
> I’m sorry these chapters are so few and far between. I know I used to be able to churn them out every week or two, but I’ve been going through some stuff (ADHD diagnosis, sickness, that awful breakup, and general depression) so I haven’t been able to write as much as I was last year. I struggled a bit with this chapter, but I think I’ve made it into something passable.
> 
> This chapter gives you a look into Michelle and Anna’s relationship, and where Michelle is in life as it relates to her relationship status (or lack thereof). You also get some drunken shenanigans between those two and Amanda (including some drunk texting), and our favorite Italian Footlong coming along for the ride.
> 
> Also I know that we’re WAAAAY past the holiday season now, but this is my world and y’all are just living in it. ;)
> 
> Crazy thanks to @madpanda75, @thatesqcrush, and @misssirenlove as always - inspiration, kindness, and laughter are things I need in my life right now more than ever, and you three give it in spades. <3<3
> 
> Song: I Wanna Dance With Somebody by Whitney Houston, because it not only sums up where I’m taking the development between Michelle and Sonny but also is the perfect “girls night out” song.

“What time’s your man supposed to be home again?” Michelle asked as she sipped her glass of cabernet while Anna made dinner. They had arrived home only half an hour earlier, after spending the remainder of the afternoon walking up and down the High Line. Michelle had tried once more to convince Anna that she didn’t need to cook, but, like her mother, Anna was stubborn. She also wouldn’t let Michelle help, but that was probably for the best; Michelle had managed to singe her eyebrows more than once while trying to bake. She joked that sometimes she wondered if she really was her parents’ daughter, since she hadn’t inherited either her Italian father or Jewish mother’s cooking skills.

Anna looked over her shoulder and said, “I think probably an hour from now. I haven’t heard otherwise. Usually, if he’s going to be late, he texts me to let me know.”

“Well, that’s considerate. When he’s late, what do you do? Like, do you wait to eat or save it for him or what?”

“Depends on how late he says he thinks he’ll be. If he’s going to be more than a couple hours, I’ll just eat and put the leftovers in the fridge,” she replied. “The good thing about Raf being single for as long as he was is that he’s fairly self-sufficient. I never feel like he expects me to take care of him.”

“Good!” Michelle replied. “you shouldn’t have to. You deserve a grown man. Not whatever most women settle for, these overgrown children who want a mom.”

Anna laughed. “I can guarantee you, there is absolutely no way Raf could ever be described as a manchild.”

Michelle hopped off the stool at the kitchen island and wandered toward the bookcase in the living room. She could tell most of the books belonged to Anna—true crime, some historical biographies, a few that could be considered “beach reading”—but she was more interested in the framed photos that were artfully arranged alongside the books. She had expected most of them to be of Anna and Rafael, but was pleasantly surprised to see that many of them were of their separate lives as well. For instance, one of the bigger frames contained a photo of herself, Anna, and Kim eating ice cream sandwiches in college. Another was of Anna’s parents at their wedding, a beautiful black and white silhouette.

Then, her eyes fell on a third photo, this one of Rafael and the pretty, brown-eyed sergeant who had taken Anna’s statement when she and Michelle had come to the station to report the rape. There was also a little boy in the photo, no more than a year old, and Rafael was awkwardly holding him. The sergeant was wearing a pretty, blue dress, and Rafael a Burberry polo under a cream-colored blazer. It looked like a special occasion, not a work event.

“Hey, Anna, isn’t this that cop I met when I was here last time?” she asked, gesturing to the photo.

Anna looked up from chopping vegetables, squinted at the photo, and nodded. “Oh, yeah, Olivia,” she said. “That’s her and her son, Noah. That was taken the day she formally adopted him. Apparently after the champagne toast, she asked everyone there to hold him to get a photo with each of them. Rafael was…clearly not a baby person.”

Michelle considered the photo for another moment and then asked, “Did those two ever date?”

Anna laughed. “You’re probably the thousandth person to ask that.” She threw all the vegetables into a salad spinner with the spinach she had rinsed. “They never dated. They’re just best friends.”

Michelle raised an eyebrow and ran a finger around the rim of her wine glass. “And it doesn’t weird you out at all?”

“Why should it? They’ve been friends for years. Olivia was the one who encouraged me to go after him. I mean, her and my mom.”

“I don’t know. I guess I just don’t know if I could be that cool with my boyfriend being so close to another woman—especially if said woman is single.”

“That’s only because you haven’t been in a relationship with a trustworthy guy,” Anna said. “When you meet a guy who’s in love with you, you won’t have to worry about him cheating.”

“It’s not the guy I don’t trust,” Michelle replied, returning to her chair. “It’s women.”

Anna wiped her hands on a dishcloth. “Well, Olivia isn’t like most women. I’d place a bet on her being Raf’s best man—or, I guess, best woman.”

“Wow. Not Sonny?”

“I’d highly doubt it,” Anna said, shrugging. “Up until this year, he and Raf were basically only colleagues.”

“So are you going to ask him to be a—would it be a bridesman?”

Anna chuckled. “You know, I hadn’t thought about that, but I suppose I should. I mean, the man _did_ agree to go wedding dress shopping with us.”

“You know I was only half-serious when I suggested that, right?” Michelle’s jade eyes glittered mischievously. “I didn’t think he’d do it!”

“Like I told you before, he really is that nice.”

Suddenly, they heard the front door slam, which startled Anna so much that she nearly dropped the ribeyes she had just retrieved from the fridge.

“I hope you’re Rafael,” Michelle called, “because we have cops on speed dial!”

He came around the corner, still carrying his briefcase but with his suit coat slung casually over his shoulder. “Believe me,” he said, “if ever there was a day that made me aware of who I am, it was today.” He set his briefcase down and leaned in to kiss Anna hello. Then he turned his attention back to Michelle. “Nice to see you again!”

“Same. I’ve been looking forward to this trip for a long time. And thanks again for letting me stay here.”

“I keep trying to tell her there was absolutely no way we were going to let her stay in a hotel,” Anna said, now seasoning the steaks.

“Absolutely,” he said. “No one should have to suffer the indignity of paying or an insanely marked-up hotel room in New York for New Year’s Eve. That’s just cruel and unusual punishment.”

“What are you doing home so early?” Anna asked, adding quickly, “Not that I’m complaining.”

“I figured that since it’s Michelle’s first night here, I could just bring work home and do it after dinner.”

“I don’t want you to have to work late because of me,” Michelle said.

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” he replied. “Ask Anna how many times a week she’s passed out before I even make it to the bedroom.”

Anna laughed. “Not to mention the fact that you’re almost always gone by the time I get up.”

“So when do you actually see each other while conscious?” Michelle asked.

“Usually right now—dinner, I mean,” Anna said. “Or on weekends. The week just tends to be too crazy for both of us.”

Michelle cocked her head, as though trying to process this. Meanwhile, Rafael stretched his neck. “ _Mi amor,_ ” he said, “I’m going to go change and wash up. Do you need help with anything before I do that?”

Anna shook her head. “I’m fairly certain I’ve got this under control. It’ll be ready in maybe ten minutes. Medium-rare, right?”

“You know me so well.”

He gave her another kiss and went back down the hallway. When he was out of earshot, Michelle looked back at Anna. “‘ _Mi amor_ ’? Really?”

“What?” Anna asked, refilling their wine glasses.

Michelle leaned forward and lowered her voice. “I thought the Spanish was for the bedroom!”

Anna craned her neck, listening for footsteps. Hearing none, she smiled mischievously. “He knows far dirtier phrases in both English _and_ Spanish, I can assure you.”

Michelle’s eyebrows shot up and she giggled. “Maybe I need to find myself a bilingual man.”

Anna bit her lip, employing her most casual expression. “Maybe you’ll meet one while you’re here.”

Michelle knew when Anna was holding something back. “And what makes you say that?” she asked.

Turning around to check the mashed potatoes—conveniently hiding the smile she couldn’t contain—Anna said, “Oh, well…I just mean it’s going to be festive around here, and especially since we’ll be out and about, maybe you’ll meet some tall, good-looking, intelligent guy with a strong connection to his heritage…”

Michelle was about to respond when Rafael came back into the room, pushing up the sleeves of his burgundy sweater. “Well,” she said appraisingly, “now you look like the Rafael I met!”

He looked down at himself and chuckled. “I guess—yeah, most people meet me in a suit. It probably looks weird when they see me dressed like this.”

“I mean, you rock a suit, don’t get me wrong!” she replied quickly. “When Anna showed me your collection of ties and suspenders—”

His eyebrows lifted and he looked at Anna in shock. “You went into my closet?”

Her cheeks burned. “I—yes, I’m sorry. I just wanted to show—”

At her reaction, he started to laugh. “I’m not mad! I’m just shocked!”

“Why?” Michelle asked, as Anna’s shoulders visibly relaxed.

“Remember at the engagement party, I mentioned that’s where I hid the ring because I knew it was the one place she wouldn’t go anywhere near?” He shook his head. “Now I have to find a new hiding place!”

Anna, now plating dinner, laughed. “I promise you, that was a one-time event. I don’t have enough breadcrumbs to find my way back a second time.”

Soon, they were seated at the table, enjoying their steaks and laughing over a second bottle of wine. “So,” Michelle finally asked, “why _do_ you own so many ties and suspenders?”

“And socks,” Anna added. “Don’t forget socks.”

“Can’t a guy jut enjoy mixing patterns?” he replied.

“I mean, yeah,” Michelle said, “but I’m guessing that’s not the answer.”

Rafael smirked. “You know, Anna has a great poker face and you seem entirely too perceptive.”

“Why do you think we’re friends?” Anna asked. “She can see right through me and call me on my bullshit.”

“And Anna knows that anything she tells me won’t be repeated without permission,” Michelle added.

He took a sip of wine. “Wow. Combine the two of you and you could rule the world.”

“Who says we won’t anyway?” Michelle replied. “Now, stop deflecting!”

“It really isn’t that interesting,” he said. “My parents couldn’t really afford a lot of clothes for me when I was a kid. Mom actually made a lot of them herself, sometimes with my _abuelita._ And neutral colors—”

“Can be used for more types of clothes than bright colors,” Michelle finished. When he gaped at her, she said, “Theater person, remember? I may not make the costumes, but I do know the general theory of designing them.”

“Right,” he said, still a bit taken aback. “Anyway, when I got out of law school and got my job in Brooklyn, I didn’t really go anywhere or do anything, and I lived in a rathole for a couple years. I couldn’t afford more than two suits—one black, one blue, off the rack—but I had to make it look like I had more than that. So, the best way I could think to do that was to start buying what I _could_ afford: accessories.”

“Wow,” Anna, slightly astonished, said to Michelle. “You just learned something _I_ didn’t even know.”

“Really? How is that even possible?”

Rafael shrugged. “I don’t think Anna ever questioned my wardrobe choices.”

Anna gave him a Cheshire grin. “Maybe not to your face…”

He reached over and gently pinched her side. “Very funny, _mami_.”

She squealed and swatted his hand. “Hey, your wardrobe choices are part of what attracted me to you!”

“Oh, it wasn’t just my charming personality and sense of humor?” he asked, grinning back at her.

“Oh my God, please don’t make me gag,” Michelle said from behind her wine glass.

“Sorry, sorry,” Anna said, still laughing as Rafael tried to squeeze her side again. He finally threw up his hands in surrender.

“Okay,” he said, “what else did you two do today?”

“Well, after we took a trip to the Saks in your closet,” Michelle said, “I asked Anna to take me up to Fordham.”

Anna glanced at Rafael, hoping he would play along and pretend he didn’t know that. “Oh, really?” How’d you like it?” he asked innocently. Anna let out a nearly silent breath of relief.

“It was very cool. The campus is surprisingly green, even with the snow.”

Anna saw an opening. “In fact, we ran into Sonny while we were there—he was coming out of the dorms, actually.”

Rafael, of course, already knew this, but played along. “Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Liv sent him there today about a case.”

Anna sighed. “Yeah, I figured. Michelle and I were actually just talking today about how there haven’t been any assaults on that campus since they built those dorms.”

“We were thinking it was because the law school was right there,” Michelle added.

Rafael sighed. “If only that’s all it took.” A few silent moments passed, and then he cleared his throat. “So, what did Sonny have to say?”

“Oh, nothing, really. We made plans, though,” Anna said. “We’re going out with Amanda tomorrow night, but Sunday, we’re getting brunch with him.”

“Yeah, and then we’re going—” Michelle began, but Anna glared at her. “What?”

“I second that ‘what?’” Rafael added, cocking an eyebrow. “What am I missing?”

Anna wasn’t sure herself why she was being secretive. It wasn’t as though he wasn’t expecting her to look for wedding dresses eventually. They had been engaged for more than half a year—it was probably weirder for her _not_ to have looked yet. She suddenly felt very silly.

“We’re…going to look at wedding gowns,” she finally said, in one hurried breath. Michelle looked satisfied and Rafael’s eyes flickered with something that looked like a combination of amused and contented.

“And Sonny agreed to this?” he asked.

“Well, Michelle didn’t give him the option! She just sort of…said it like it was already decided.”

Rafael grinned, remembering what he had said to Sonny before they parted ways that day. Maybe Sonny had taken it to heart. He refilled Anna’s wine glass. “So, you’re going to go shopping on Sunday. Where are you and Rollins going tomorrow?”

“I don’t know if we’ve decided yet.”

“Well, knowing her, you’ll end up at some cowboy bar,” he said.

“Anywhere _you_ recommend?” Michelle asked.

He snorted. “I guarantee you that Rollins’ suggestions would be far more appropriate for a girls’ night.”

Michelle rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on! Don’t try to convince me you’re some stuffy attorney. You forget we hung out in a mountain lodge themed bar? And I _know_ you had fun there!”

For a second, Rafael thought she was referring to the illicit sex he and Anna had there (which came to be known by the two of them as The Bigfoot Adventure). But as much as Anna liked to talk him up to her friends, even drop hints about how he satisfied her, he knew she guarded their sex life closely. He wondered sometimes whether that had anything to do with her history but didn’t feel the need to ask.

“Well,” he finally said, “there is one place, over in the East Village.”

“When were you in the East Village without me?” Anna asked.

“I wasn’t,” he replied, “but Carmen was talking about it with one of the other assistants. I think it’s called Death & Company?”

Michelle giggled. “How cheerful!”

“No, no,” Anna said, holding up a hand. “I’ve heard of it! But supposedly it’s hard to get into. There’s a list or something.”

He grinned and leaned back in his chair, casually sipping what was left of his wine. “I’m just going to make the observation that you’ll be with an NYPD detective.”

Anna let out a dramatic gasp. “Why, A.D.A. Rafael Barba! Surely you aren’t suggesting Amanda use her badge to get us past the list!”

He shrugged and looked at her with wide, innocent eyes. “I would never advocate such a shameless abuse of power. Again, I’m merely making an observation.”

And as Michelle watched Rafael and Anna tease each other again, she thought, _You’re not the only one, pal._

* * *

“Hey! Come on in!” Anna exclaimed as Amanda stepped through the front door.

“Hope I’m not too early,” she replied, dusting snow off of her coat. “I thought it would take longer to get a cab than it did. Where’s—”

Michelle appeared from the makeshift guest room. “Right here! Nice to finally meet you! Anna’s told me tons.”

Amanda chuckled and glanced at Anna. “I hope she didn’t tell you _too_ much. Don’t want you to get the wrong idea about me right away!”

Michelle shook her head. “Only good, and PG-13 rated, things.”

“Something tells me that this evening is gonna move into R-rated territory real quick,” Rafael said, coming down the hallway from the kitchen.

“Counselor!” Amanda said. “How are you? Big plans for the evening?”

“Oh, yeah,” he replied, putting an arm around Anna’s waist. “Beer, strippers, the whole bachelor experience.” He rolled his eyes. “It’s just going to be a bunch of paperwork for me, punctuated with occasional snack breaks.”

“What a thrilling Saturday night,” she replied, and then looked at Anna. “You _really_ want to be a lawyer?”

“Yeah, paperwork and all. Besides, it’s my goal to someday be able to sanction John Buchanan.”

Michelle’s brow furrowed. “Who?”

The others let out simultaneous groans. “Come in,” Amanda said. “We’ll explain in the cab.”

Rafael helped Anna into her coat and kissed her on the cheek. “Have fun and be safe.”

Amanda turned back to him. “Did you forget who she’s going to be out with?”

“Oh, right,” he replied. “I amend my statement, then: be _good_.”

Amanda grabbed Anna by the warm and waved goodbye to Rafael. “Love you,” Anna called over her shoulder. But before he could reply, she was gone in a whirlwind of blonde hair and leather boots.

As it turned out, Amanda didn’t have to flash her badge to get them into Death & Company. As soon as the doorman saw a group of pretty, single women coming, he let them in almost immediately. After they stepped through the imposing, wooden doors and past a dark curtain, they understood the bar’s name; the dark interior was lit only by antique chandeliers and candles. Their heels clicked on the hardwood floor as they walked toward a table in the back.

“Okay, I’ll give it to the counselor. This is pretty cool,” Amanda said as she opened the drink menu. “How did he say he found this place again?”

“He said Carmen was talking about it,” Anna said. “We should have invited her!”

“It’s not too late!” Michelle replied. “I bet she has all sorts of fun stories about pre-Anna Rafael.”

“She ought to. She’s been with him since before he came over from Brooklyn,” Amanda said. “From what I know, he was…even less fun than when we met him.”

“How do you mean?”

“Well, when he was in Brooklyn, he kind of wanted to prove himself—you know, just out of law school—and so he was kind of…” Amanda looked like she was trying to think of a polite way to finish her thought.

“A total ass?” Anna suggested. Michelle and Amanda both gaped at her. “What? He’ll be the first one to admit it.”

“Really?” Amanda asked.

Anna nodded, looking through the drink menu. “There’s a reason the assistants call him The Bear.”

If they’d had drinks, Amanda would have inhaled hers. “Excuse me, the _what?”_

Through her laughter, Anna said, “The assistants think he doesn’t know, but right after he went back to work after”—she hesitated, realizing Michelle didn’t know about the suspension—“our trip to L.A., he saw some email to Carmen from one of the other assistants. They had asked whether The Bear was back in the woods. It wasn’t hard for him to figure out.”

Amanda was cackling. “Oh my God. He had to have been furious!”

“Nah,” Anna replied, passing the drink menu to Michelle once she’d decided on a cocktail for herself.

“Really?” Michelle asked, flipping through the book. “I’m surprised.”

“Well, for one thing, he was super relaxed from the trip,” Anna explained. “And for another, he found out the day after we had some really good—”

She stopped herself, but Amanda and Michelle both raised their eyebrows and looked at her expectantly. “Some really good _what_?” Amanda asked, as if she didn’t know.

Pretending not to hear as her cheeks burned, Anna looked over their heads toward the bar. “I’m going to get the first round. Who wants what?”

Once she’d taken their drink orders and disappeared into the swell of people crowding around the bar, Amanda turned toward Michelle. “So, you enjoying the city so far?”

“Definitely,” Michelle replied. “I’m just happy that Anna and I are seeing each other more than once in a year. It’s so weird not to see her more than that, after seeing her every day for years.”

“I know what you mean. It’s the same way with my old partner. Saw him every day for years, and then he up and moves to California—of all places, right?—and I haven’t seen him since.”

“That’s too bad,” Michelle said. “Maybe you and Anna could take another vacation together and go visit him?”

Amanda chuckled. “Heard about our little Nashville excursion, did you?”

“Oh, yeah. She told me you guys made an impromptu spring break trip down there. She’s always been sort of impulsive that way, so it didn’t really shock me.”

That phrasing, Amanda realized, meant that Anna had never told Michelle about the argument she and Rafael had that had spurred the trip in the first place. Of course, that didn’t necessarily mean anything—no need to tell your friends about every fight you have with your significant other—but that fight had been bad enough to make her want to take a week away from him. So, Amanda found it slightly odd that Michelle didn’t know about it. But all she said was, “Yeah, well, my boss is always telling me I have too much vacation time racked up, so I figured, why not use some of it?”

“Was Rafael annoyed that she just took off like that?”

Amanda cocked her head. “How do you mean?”

Michelle turned and looked around. Anna was still trying to push her way up to the bar. Turning back to Amanda, she said, “I guess I’m just wondering—I mean, when I met him, they were on vacation, so he was obviously a lot more relaxed than he probably usually is. And it’s not that I think he’s a bad guy or something. But is it—I mean, is he—he seems too good to be true.”

Amanda smiled. “You just don’t know him like we do.” But seeing Michelle’s face fall into concern, she added, “I mean, he’s not perfect. But I’m guessing you have some specific concern?”

“It’s just…you know why I was here the last time. What Anna has been through, no one should have to go through. And she hasn’t really been in a lot of relationships to begin with. You know him better than I do.”

“Are you asking me if he’s good for her?”

Hearing it put that way, Michelle realized that it sounded like she was accusing him of being fake, and that wasn’t exactly what she meant. Sighing, she said, “I’m sorry, no. I know he is. It’s just—I’m skeptical by nature, I guess.”

Amanda nodded. “I understand, believe me. I don’t do relationships, and I don’t really trust most people. Hazard of my job, probably. But I told this to Anna early on—he looks at her in a way I’ve never seen him look at anyone else. They have their arguments, I’m sure. I mean, they’re human. But he’s different with her.”

“Different with who?” Anna asked, suddenly returning with three drinks clutched precariously in her hands.

“Oh, I was just telling Michelle about what a softie Fin turns into when I bring Jesse to the precinct,” Amanda said quickly, as Michelle breathed a sigh of relief.

“You know, come to think of it, I haven’t seen Fin with her!” Anna said. “Didn’t he recently gain a grandson?”

“He did!” Amanda said. “Cutest little thing.”

“Maybe being around Jesse got him ready for grandfatherhood!”

“Oh, God, don’t ever let him hear you call him a grandpa,” Amanda said. “I did that as a joke once and got an earful.”

Anna and Michelle both laughed, and Anna raised her glass. “Ladies, happy early New Year!”

“Cheers,” Michelle said. “To auld acquaintances being forgot—”

“Along with most of this evening!” Amanda finished, as they clinked glasses.

* * *

Three cocktails and one round of shots (sent by a group of men who were almost certainly lawyers) later, and Anna, Michelle, and Amanda had maintained a steady buzz throughout the night. They had alternated the drinks with water so that none of them became too inebriated. After all, Anna pointed out, they may not have been driving, but they still had to tell the cab driver how to get home.

“All right, Anna,” Michelle said, holding her glass precariously by the rim. “Time to spill.”

“Speaking of spilling,” Anna said, “put down that glass before you’re wearing that drink.”

Michelle looked at the glass as if she hadn’t realized she was holding it. She set it down and folded her arms on the table. “Fine. Now. Spill.”

“Spill what?” Anna asked, although she suspected she already knew where this was going.

“Oh, God, do I even want to be here for this?” Amanda asked.

“Oh, come on. What are girls’ nights for if not gossiping about boys?”

Anna shook her head. “Nuh-uh. No way. For one thing, Amanda still has to work with him!”

“Hey, I can just pretend not to have heard. Remember, I was a gambler once. You think _you_ have a good poker face?”

“You’re not helping!” Anna said through gritted teeth. She turned back to Michelle. “I am nowhere near drunk enough to talk about my sex life!”

“You had no problem talking about it in college!”

“Well, that was when I was sleeping with the guy who held the door at Swingers, not the grown-ass attorney I’m going to marry!”

“All the more reason to talk about it now!” Michelle said. “You’re finally sleeping with someone worth discussing!”

“She has a point,” Amanda interjected, and Anna glared at her. “What? It’s true.”

“What happened to not wanting to hear about all his weird kinks? Isn’t that what you said when we were in Nashville?”

“Hey, I didn’t say you needed to talk about _everything_ y’all do. But I’d be lyin’ if I said I wasn’t a _little_ curious myself.”

“Damn, you really _are_ from the south, aren’t you?” Michelle said.

“Comes out more when I’ve had a couple. Or, I guess, more than a couple,” Amanda said, looking at the empty glasses on the table. “But Anna saw the full Southern Belle come out when we were in Tennessee.”

“Yep,” Anna said, glad for the distraction. “I really want to go back down there, though. Hopefully under better circumstances.”

Michelle raised an eyebrow. “What does that mean?”

Anna realized just then that she had never mentioned to Michelle the reason she and Amanda went to Nashville in the first place. “Oh, yeah, that’s right, sorry. Amanda and I went after Raf and I had a fight.”

“Oh, really?” Michelle said, trying to sound disinterested. “Must have been some fight if you had to leave town.”

“It honestly was one of the most idiotic fights we could have had. It was a stress fight, really.”

“They fought over pens,” Amanda said. Michelle stared at Anna for a moment, the words hanging in the air. Then, for a reason she couldn’t really articulate, she burst out laughing. That, in turn, made Anna and Amanda start laughing, too.

“How did you end up making up?” Michelle finally asked, wiping tears from her eyes.

Anna hesitated, but the drinks had done their work and lowered her inhibition. She looked around, as if checking to make sure no one they knew had magically appeared in the bar, and then said, “Fine. But if you ever tell him—or anyone else—what I’m telling you, I will forego my law license to commit murder.”

The other two nodded and leaned in eagerly. “Okay, out with it!” Michelle said.

Anna took a deep breath. “Two hours. Four times. Once on the bedroom floor. And,” she finished, “if you look at the wall behind our headboard, you will see a quarter-sized chip in the _thankfully_ white wall.”

At that, both Amanda and Michelle’s eyes widened, and Michelle nearly knocked over the water glasses with how quickly her hand flew to her mouth.

“Are you serious?” Amanda asked.

All Anna could do was nod and grin. She sipped her drink casually, as though she hadn’t just implied that she and the strait-laced A.D.A. had mind-blowing sex that was so passionate that the headboard hit the wall.

“Jesus,” Michelle said. “Does he have a brother?”

And that was when Anna saw an opening. “No…but Sonny is sort of like his brother by this point.”

This time it was Michelle’s turn to blush. Amanda gave Anna a knowing look and smiled at Michelle. “Ooh, you got a thing for my partner?”

“No!” Michelle said, a little too emphatically. She caught Anna’s eyes, though, and asked, “And who cares if I do? It’s not like I can do anything about it.”

Anna knew exactly how to handle this. “No,” she said. “You just _won’t_.”

Amanda saw what Anna was doing and decided to play along. “Yeah, why _can’t_ you do something about it?”

“Because he lives here and I live in California, so what would be the point?”

“You’re making excuses,” Anna said. Then, in a sing-song voice, she added, “You think he’s gorrrrgeous, you want to kiiiiiss him!”

Amanda laughed and said, “Do we need to pass him a note in class? ‘Do you like Michelle? Check yes or no.’”

“Okay! Yes!” Michelle finally yelled. “I think he’s cute, okay? But seriously, you don’t even know if he’s into me!”

Grinning, Anna said, “Text him.”

“What do you mean, text him?”

“Just what I said. Text him. I dare you.”

“What would I even say?”

Amanda hopped off her stool and walked around the table to stand next to Anna. “Come here,” she said, and grabbed Michelle’s hand. “Let’s take a picture and you can send that to him. Conversation starter. You still have his number from the party, right?”

Michelle nodded. “Yeah, but—”

“But what?” Anna asked. “If he’s not into it, you can play it off like we’re being tipsy idiots.”

Michelle realized she was out of excuses, so she decided to just go with it. “Fine,” she said, and handed her phone to Amanda. They stood in a group and took the best selfie they could in the dim lighting.

Amanda handed the phone back to Michelle. “Okay, send it.” When Michelle looked hesitant, she added, “Come on. Anna told me you were almost shameless! Do we need to double-dog dare you?”

Michelle’s expression changed and she straightened her back as she regained her nerve. “Never let it be said that Michelle Leah Caruso turned down a dare.” She furiously typed out a message on her phone and hit send.

Amanda and Anna looked at each other conspiratorially. Where Michelle was concerned, Sonny was more flustered than either of them had ever seen him. And, although she was no matchmaker, Amanda thought that Michelle would be good for him. She was funny and daring and just the right amount of sarcastic. She would balance him.

Eventually, Michelle set down her phone, looking satisfied with herself. “So, what did you say?” Anna asked.

“Nothing,” said Michelle.

“Oh, hell no,” Anna nearly yelled. “I spilled about my sex life, so you need to—”

“No, seriously,” Michelle replied. “I sent it without a message. I want to see what he says.”

“Ooh, now _that’s_ good,” Amanda replied. “Kinda like we do in interrogation—just let ‘em talk and see if they’ll give you anything.”

Michelle laughed. “Hopefully he doesn’t see it quite that way.”

Suddenly, her phone buzzed and rattled on the table. For a second, no one moved. Then, Anna said to Michelle, “Are you gonna answer it, or do I need to?”

Michelle looked over at the bar, wondering if she should order another shot before checking the message. But, knowing her limits and wanting to stay moderately coherent, she decided against it. She picked up her phone and opened the text.

_You all look great,_ it read. _Gonna be too hung over for brunch tomorrow?_

Michelle repeated the text back to Anna and Amanda. “Oh man,” Amanda said. “I almost forgot, y’all are having brunch with him tomorrow! Any idea where you’re going?”

Anna almost said no, but then had a better idea. “Trust me?” she asked Michelle.

“Haven’t I always?”

“Good,” Anna said, and snatched the phone away. She typed out a message—relying on autocorrect a bit more than she usually would—and handed the phone back to Michelle.

“What’d you say?” Amanda asked. Anna just grinned.

Michelle checked the message and groaned. “Oh, God. Seriously?”

Amanda looked from Anna to Michelle. “Again, what did that text say?” In response, Michelle slid the phone across the table. Amanda almost cackled when she read the message: _I think you should bring brunch to us. Pancakes sound good._

“I can’t believe you wrote that!” Michelle said to Anna, although she was almost laughing as she said it. “He’s going to think I’m a nutcase!”

“Oh, no, you don’t know Carisi,” said Amanda, leaning back slightly as she pushed the phone back toward Michelle. “He won’t even think twice about it. I guarantee you, he’ll be at the door tomorrow morning with pancake ingredients in a paper grocery bag.”

Michelle looked at Anna, as if expecting her to disagree, but Anna just shrugged and said, “She’s not wrong.”

“Yeah, all right,” Michelle said, clearly unconvinced. Then, she got up and grabbed her wallet. “Another round?”

“Sure,” both Anna and Amanda said.

“Same as last time?”

They both nodded and Michelle took off. Amanda made sure she was out of earshot and then said to Anna, “Boy, I never thought I’d meet anyone as cynical as me.”

Anna sighed. “Yeah, she’s always been that way. Even in college.”

“Why?”

“I think mostly she’s just really independent. She doesn’t like the idea of relying on anyone, especially a man. Sometimes, I think it’s gotten worse since…”

She didn’t have to finish the statement; Amanda knew what she meant. “You think Carisi’s aware that she likes him?”

“Please. Sonny’s so nervous around her, I don’t think he’s had the ability to even consider that possibility.”

Amanda laughed. “I would love to see that.”

“Well, I’ll try to get some covert photos tomorrow. At the very least, there’ll be plenty of photos at the dress shop.”

“Even better,” Amanda said. “I _need_ those photos.”

“Of the dresses?”

Amanda looked a bit sheepish. “Well, yeah, of course…but also of Carisi helping you pick them out.”

“Well, it’s not like he’s going to be trying them on himself!” Anna said, laughing.

“I know that, but if you could get him to put a veil on at some point,” Amanda replied, downing the last of her drink, “you will never have to get me another birthday or Christmas gift for the rest of my life.”

* * *

“Well, good morning,” Anna said as Michelle came down the hallway and into the kitchen. “How’re you feeling?”

“I’m fine,” Michelle said. “Nothing a good, strong cup of coffee won’t fix.” She gestured toward the coffee pot, but before she could get there, Anna was already handing her a steaming mug.

“Heard you open your door,” Anna said, noting the look of surprise on Michelle’s face. “By the way, _love_ those.”

Michelle glanced down at her “Hanu-cat” pajamas and grinned. “Yeah, some crazy bitch gave them to me as a Hanukkah gift. She obviously gets me.”

Anna returned the smile. “And clearly has excellent taste.”

“Well, I mean, she picked me for her maid of honor, so yeah, obviously,” Michelle replied, taking a large sip of coffee. She then realized that it was almost nine-thirty in the morning, and yet Rafael was nowhere to be seen. “Hey, where’s—”

“Raf’s still asleep,” Anna said, knowing what Michelle was about to ask. “It’s Sunday. He’ll probably stumble in here soon, grumbling about having slept in too late.”

Michelle laughed. “This is a weekly thing?”

“Oh yeah,” Anna replied, with an ever-so-slight roll of her eyes. “Every Sunday. I let him sleep through his alarm, because he works these ridiculous hours during the week, and I want him to get at least a _little_ rest. And then, he gets up at ten or so and complains under his breath—sometimes in Spanglish—that I shouldn’t have let him sleep, he’s got so much work to do, yadda yadda, blah blah. Then he has his coffee and he’s fine.”

Michelle looked over her shoulder and back. “And what does he spend the rest of his Sundays doing?”

Anna shrugged. “Working, mostly. Once in a while, I can get him to go for a late afternoon walk or something.”

They sat in silence for a minute, drinking their coffee and watching the sunlight streaming through the window, until Michelle said, “Anna, can I ask you something?”

“You want the purple one,” Anna replied. It was an inside joke between them; anytime either of them asked whether they could ask the other a question, the response would be a totally random answer.

“Nah, the purple one’s overpriced,” Michelle said, but her expression remained serious.

Anna leaned over and rested her elbows on the counter. “What’s up?”

Michelle bit her lip and then said, “Are you—I mean, not that Rafael—”

“Just say it,” Anna said.

“It’s not that I think you’re not happy with Rafael. In fact, I _know_ you’re happy with him. But I mean…relationships in general. Are you happy in a relationship?”

“How do you mean?”

Sighing, Michelle said, “I mean, don’t you miss…I don’t know, being on your own? Like having your own space, your own life?”

“I do have my own life,” Anna said. “Were you not present last night when I was out with you and Amanda, having far too many drinks?”

“I didn’t mean it like that. I guess it’s just hard because…”

“Because what?”

Choosing her words a bit more carefully this time, Michelle said, “I only just got used to Kim being married with a kid. It’s not like I expected you to stay single forever, especially not once you met Rafael. The second time, I mean.”

Anna furrowed her brow. “I feel like there’s a ‘but’ coming.”

“I guess it feels like everyone’s suddenly a grown-up and I still feel like we’re all still in college. Or at least like _I’m_ still in college and everyone else is an adult.”

Anna’s eyes darkened with concern. “How long have you been feeling this way?”

Michelle looked away. “Ever since you guys visited.”

“What?” Anna said, shocked. “‘Shel, I’m sorry if we made you feel awkward or—”

“Relax,” Michelle said. “It’s nothing anyone did or didn’t do. It’s just…everyone else seems to have moved on, and you’re all doing these adult things. Meanwhile, I’m still working at the same theatre, living in the same apartment…I feel like I should be doing what everyone else seems to be doing.”

“Which is what? Getting married and having kids?”

Michelle shrugged and stared into her coffee, hoping to find some answers in the darkness. “Maybe. I don’t know.”

“Well, do you want those things?”

As she twisted a strand of curls, Michelle said, “I don’t know. Sometimes, I think I do. But then, I try to imagine myself having them, and I’m not sure I ever will.”

Anna refilled their mugs and, after handing Michelle hers, asked, “Why not?”

“It’s not like I can just snap my fingers and have a man ready to marry me,” Michelle replied. “Much as I hate admitting it, I’m _not_ in college anymore. And let’s face it—in my line of work, most of the men I meet are decidedly not interested in women.”

Anna leaned forward and put her hand on Michelle’s forearm. “If you want marriage and kids, there’s no reason you can’t have them. But you have to put yourself out there and get them. They’re not just going to fall into your lap.”

Michelle scoffed. “Easy for you to say. You have a guy who I swear would jump in front of a bus for you. Not even to save your life, just if you asked him to.”

Anna couldn’t help laughing. “Yeah, but it’s not like getting him was easy. I had to make the first move, remember?”

Michelle opened her mouth, as if she were going to respond, but before she could, there was a knock at the door. She raised a questioning eyebrow at Anna, whose lips spread into a smile as she went off to answer it. Michelle could hear muffled voices, and then two sets of footsteps walking back toward the kitchen. But she wasn’t at all prepared for the person trailing behind Anna, clutching two paper grocery bags in his arms.

“Look who showed up for brunch!” Anna said, taking one of the bags from Sonny, who grinned.

“Yeah, well, I know we said we’d go out, and I know it’s kinda early, but who am I to turn down a request for pancakes?”

Michelle gaped at him, and saw Anna barely containing her laughter. “I—good morning,” she managed to get out.

Sonny looked her up and down. “Like your pajamas.”

It was only at that moment that Michelle realized she hadn’t so much as brushed her teeth yet. This was the second time that she’d run into Sonny looking anything but her best. “Oh, God, um—”

As entertaining as it was to watch her normally confident, sassy friend flail, Anna said, “‘Shel, I’d go get in the shower now if I were you. Once Raf wakes up, he’s going to spend forever in there.”

Michelle looked at her gratefully and hopped off the stool, practically running for the hallway. Meanwhile, Sonny looked back at Anna quizzically. “Something I said?”

Anna shook her head. “Nah. She’s just a little tired after last night. I’m sure after a shower, she’ll feel better.”

He began unloading the grocery bags onto the counter. “You guys have fun last night?”

Anna pulled her hair into ponytail and pulled the kitchen utensils, mixing bowls, and frying pans out for him. “We did. Maybe a little too much. Have you heard from Amanda?”

He smirked. “Yeah, I stopped in the squad this morning to pick up my wallet. Left it in the desk drawer last night. She looked…”

He didn’t finish his sentence and Anna laughed. “She had a couple more than we did.”

Sonny started putting together the pancake batter and Anna decided that would be a good time to check on Michelle. She excused herself and headed for the bathroom. Knocking on the closed door, she said, “Michelle? You okay?”

“Get in here!” came a hiss from the other side of the door. When Anna opened it, she found Michelle looking uncharacteristically frazzled. She had changed out of her pajamas but wasn’t any more put together than that. She was flushed and looked slightly ill.

“What the hell?” Anna said.

Michelle nodded toward the door and Anna shut it behind her. “Why is he here?”

“Well,” Anna said, “maybe because you asked him to make pancakes?”

“No, _you_ asked him to make pancakes!” Michelle said as she tried in vain to pin her curls up. “I had nothing to do with that!”

Anna grabbed a bobby pin out of Michelle’s hand and started gathering sections of curls up to look something like a messy bun. “Okay, that’s fair.”

“So what are we going to do about it?”

Anna raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean? We’re going to have pancakes—which, I assure you, will be delicious—and then we’re going to go dress shopping. Wasn’t that the plan?”

“Yeah, but the plan was to have brunch. Out. At a restaurant. After I had time to wash last night off.”

Grinning, Anna said, “What’s going on with you? Is there some reason you’re so concerned with how he sees you? Because last night, you didn’t even want to make a move!”

“Yeah, well, that plan became moot when he showed up,” Michelle replied, examining Anna’s work. “And stop smiling!”

“Sorry! I’m sorry. Just get changed and come back out before Raf wakes up. Trust me when I say that you do not want to see him when he first wakes up.”

“Five minutes,” Michelle said. “Just give me five minutes.”

Closing the door behind her, Anna went back into the kitchen, where Sonny had just finished mixing the pancake batter. “Everything okay?” he asked.

“Oh, yeah, she’s just trying to finish everything she needs to do before Raf gets up.”

“I take it he takes a while in there in the morning?”

Anna laughed incredulously. “Have you seen him? He takes a longer shower than I do, and I have to shave half my body!”

“I mean, I probably shouldn’t talk,” Sonny said, gesturing to his hair, which was, as usual, gelled perfectly into place. “It’s not like I’m exactly low-maintenance.”

“Sonny, until you have a more expensive hair dryer than I do, you are not considered high maintenance.”

“Okay, I’m feeling slightly more human now,” Michelle said, reappearing from the hallway just as Sonny began pouring the batter into a hot pan. “Wow, that smells amazing!”

“Thanks. I’ve spent years perfecting the art of pancake making.”

“Do I want to know why?” Anna asked.

“Hey, when ya have five nieces, you learn a few things. If you want one in the shape of a dinosaur, I can do that, too.”

Michelle grinned. “Can you cook anything besides pancakes?”

Sonny’s eyebrows shot up his forehead. “Are you kidding?” He looked at Anna. “She’s kidding, right?”

“Sounded like more of another dare to me,” Anna said, ignoring the side-eye Michelle was giving her.

“Oh yeah?” Sonny replied, flipping the pancakes over. “Well, while you’re here this week, maybe I can show you exactly how good I am in the kitchen.”

Michelle, who only moments before had been acting like a scared teenage girl, suddenly seemed to remember her ability to talk to Sonny as she had at the engagement party. “Well, maybe let’s just start with brunch. Who knows how these pancakes are going to turn out, after all?” She gave him a smug smile and he returned it with one of his own.

“As long as I don’t get distracted and burn ‘em, you won’t have any complaints, trust me.”

Before Michelle could respond, they all heard a door open down the hall. Anna immediately hopped off her chair and made her way to the coffee maker to start a fresh pot. When she saw the look on Michelle’s face—one that said she hoped Anna hadn’t been turned into a subservient pseudo-Stepford wife—she smiled. “He’s going to be super out of it. This is the latest he’s slept in weeks. Best to give him the virgin cup—it always seems to wake him up faster. I think it’s a placebo effect, but hey, whatever works.”

“Fine,” Michelle said, “but _you_ get the virgin pancake.”

Anna giggled and Sonny said, “That sounds like some pretentious band name. ‘Ladies and gentlemen, presenting The Virgin Pancakes.’”

“With opening act The Bloody Marys?” Michelle suggested.

“I think the more appropriate name would be The Slutty Marys,” Sonny replied.

Anna watched the two of them with delighted interest until, finally, Rafael emerged from the bathroom. Wearing Harvard sweatpants and a zip-up hoodie, he looked right at Sonny. “Did I miss something? Were you here all night?” he asked.

Michelle’s cheeks turned pink and Anna could have throttled him. Just when Michelle had begun to relax, he had to go and say that. But since she couldn’t tell him to shut up, Anna settled for shooting him a look and handing him his coffee. “I told you he’d be out of it,” she said to Michelle, hoping to do some damage control.

“I’m not out of it. I’m confused. There’s a difference,” he said. “Why are you”—he looked at Sonny again—“in our kitchen making pancakes on a Sunday morning?”

“Because she”—he pointed the spatula at Michelle—“asked me to.”

Michelle held up her hands. “I’m gonna blame it on the alcohol. Turns out I can’t hold my absinthe as well as I can tequila.”

“Counselor, you want some?” Sonny asked.

Rafael leaned against the sofa and sipped his coffee casually. “Well…if you’re making them anyway…”

Sonny suppressed a grin. “Hey, Anna, you wanna grab some plates?”

“Sure. Do you want me to grab the—”

“Maple syrup?” He reached down and pulled a leaf-shaped glass bottle from the bag of ingredients.

“Wow,” Michelle said, taking it from him. “From Canada or Vermont?”

“Canada,” he said. “It’s worth the import fee.”

“You ever been to Toronto?”

“Toronto? No. Why? Should I?”

“It’s amazing. It’s like New York City, but cleaner.”

“Nowhere’s like New York,” he shot back as he divided the pancakes between the four plates. She poured a small amount of syrup over her share.

“Well, how can you say that when you’ve never been?”

“Well, maybe someday I’ll get up there.”

“When you go, let me know. I’ll tell you all the best places to eat,” she said.

Anna and Rafael watched this exchange, having taken their plates to the table. He leaned over and whispered, “Chances he takes the hint?”

Anna elbowed him. “Shh! They’re like deer—stay quiet or you’ll scare them off!”

After they all finished eating, Anna asked what Rafael’s plans for the day were. “I was going to finish drafting a motion to suppress and a couple other things. But…”

"But what?”

“I could probably rearrange my schedule if you want me to go along,” he said, thinking a double-date of sorts would be less awkward for Michelle and Sonny. But Michelle shook her head emphatically.”

“No way,” she said. “You’re not allowed to see the dress yet! You know that!”

“Oh, come on, you don’t believe in that superstition, do you?” he replied, scoffing.

Before Michelle could answer, Sonny cut in. “It’s not about superstition. It’s about the first look.”

Rafael furrowed his brow. “Sorry?”

Sonny couldn’t believe he had to explain this. “The first look. You know, when the groom first sees the bride when he’s up at the altar.”

“Oh,” Rafael said, and Anna noticed he sounded slightly dismayed. “Well, then I guess I’ll steer clear of Kleinfeld’s.”

“Oh, yeah, sure,” she laughed. “Like I could afford that.”

“And speaking of affording things,” Michelle said, grabbing Anna by the arm, “are you ready to go? We need to discuss bridesmaids’ dresses on our way!”


End file.
